I’m a Gaga Mama

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I was accused recently in an article I wont give credence by linking to, of being ‘gag worthy’ for a post I wrote when my daughter was four weeks old, in which I took a humorous look at the things that have changed in my life since becoming a mother.

This person went further and said that I ‘perpetuated the myth’ of all the tough times being worth it, and that I was toeing the party line.

At first I was surprised to find myself linked to in an article by someone I’d never heard of.www.nousha.co.uk

Once that faded, I felt a little ashamed. No, it wasn’t my best writing, it wasn’t even close. But four weeks post partum, it was how I felt. And for that I don’t apologise.

After a few weeks of mulling it over in my head, however, I no longer feel any of that.

I will excuse this lady’s attack based on the fact that her child is a few years old now, and that she is a self-confessed reluctant mother. But you know what? I am not.

I am a mother. I have wanted to be a mother for years. When I walked into my GP’s office and had tears well up when I asked about IVF treatments, I wanted to have my own baby. When I conceived before our first appointment, I was blown away.

When I peed on that stick, three times, I cried. When I bled from weeks five to twenty of my pregnancy, I cried every time I went to the toilet. I held my stomach and begged my baby to fight to stay. I begged my child to live.

When I was more sick than I’ve ever been in my life, I was scared. When I was hospitalised, I was terrified.

When I gave birth, my whole life changed in the moment our eyes locked. That’s not a party line. That’s a fact.

Now I have a little girl who keeps me awake, bites my nipples, poohs on my bedding and wees when I try to change her. She cries when I want to sleep and wakes at random intervals. She is as good as gold one day and a clingy mess the next.

She pulls my hair, scratches holes in me with nails that grow faster than seems possible and spits up on anything clean I happen to put on. She wakes when I’m in the middle of typing an email and falls asleep when I’ve walked all the way to the park to show her the ducks.

A gaga mamaI’m sure there’s a lot more I can say about the things that are ‘bad’ or ‘frustrating’, but I can’t think of anything else right now. Because, party line or not, there is nothing about this little girl that isn’t worth every sleepless night, every pulled out hair or every change that’s come my way.

I adore my baby. She’s everything I dreamt of, everything I prayed for, everything I cried bitter tears for at the thought of losing. I might not have much else to talk about, might not have some major contribution to society and might be misleading other women into thinking motherhood is as amazing as I think it is.

And if I could sincerely apologise, I would, but I can’t.

The fact is that I am unashamedly, unreservedly, unreluctantly, without fail, head-over-heals in love with my little girl and grateful to her for the amazing gift of motherhood that she has given me.

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31 thoughts on “I’m a Gaga Mama

  1. Eleanor

    Gosh!
    I have nothing more to say which is not like me at all. What a very strange article it must have been…
    xx

  2. icklebabe_com

    pics are so beautiful and such a lovely post 🙂 x

  3. jo coffer

    wow! I’m all bleary eyed at just you’re intro and after meeting your beautiful daughter today i can see why you love her so much. She seemed so contented and zen! Can’t wait to read on. She is lucky to have such a devoted mum and why should you ever appologiise for being that! Xxx

  4. Ali

    For some reason being sweet and positive is threatening to people. Why? Because they can’t find a way to be the same? Because they’ve been too jaded, hurt, lost? It is not like us mom’s are ignorant to the difficulties of life because we choose to and are simply overwhelmed by focusing on the joy of being alive with our children. You are wonderful, your sharing of your journey with strength and courage and love is wonderful. It’s the only way to be.
    .-= Ali´s last blog ..“Simple” Roast Chicken =-.

  5. I think your ten ways to know your a mom were right on (and nicely written)! It is all worth it for me too. It’s sad to think that motherhood is too much work for someone.
    .-= Joey´s last blog ..Self advocacy amusements =-.

  6. Lovely post. It is absolutely worth it and, even in the worst moments of screaming or refusing right out to do what she’s supposed to do, I would never ever ever want to not have Rosemary. Ever. And Eleanor is too small to push my buttons much yet, though I’m sure she will. And good for her. That’s what they’re supposed to do. I may tear my hair out occasionally in frustration or tiredness, but I would absolutely not have it any other way. And I don’t know if that’s because we had such trouble getting Rosemary, I would imagine I’d feel the same regardless. But I suppose it does make me extra grateful for our girls.

    So, yes, lovely post. Don’t apologise for loving being a mum.
    .-= Tasha (Coding Mamma)´s last blog ..Saturday mornings =-.

  7. ‘That’s not a party line. That’s a fact.’ Excellently put, Luschka. I think it’s near impossible to describe how much love you can feel as a mother, but you do a fine job. Don’t let anybody try to cloud your love or your judgement with their own issues. Being a mum can be hard, but it’s infinitely worth it. Great post and beautiful photos by the way.
    .-= Babes about Town´s last blog ..BabyBond: Breastfeed Openly & Giveaway! =-.

  8. I don’t know why it’s so fashionable to bash motherhood. Yes it’s hard and can be immensely frustrating and nerve-wracking. But so’s learning to ride a bike, or working a “professional” job or attending university. Yet motherhood brings about a much more worthy result, if you ask me.
    Many moms who bash it do so because they feel that being stereotyped as a love-sick mama somehow diminishes who they are.
    Think of how diminished their children feel when all they hear are complaints.
    It’s possible to be a woman, love your husband and children, and still be a feminist. In fact, by embracing that which only WE can do (produce children) we are the ultimate in feminists.
    Women who bash other women for their choices, ideas, or opinions about parenting diminish all of us.

  9. Stopping in from SITS!
    What a wonderful post! Don’t ever apologize EVER! I have 4 and I wish my hubby would change his mind and want one more, I miss those days. I LOVE my kids and I am amazed at the people they are becoming, I just want to keep having more and more ;).
    .-= Beth´s last blog ..Our garden is growing! =-.

  10. The pictures are so sweet! great post

    Andd

    Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest

  11. Wow, to think of how sad a woman must be to criticize such beautiful sentiments. I absolutely know where you are coming from and I applaud you for telling the truth. Motherhood isn’t easy but for us, it’s 100% worth all of the downs that come with the ups!
    .-= Rebekah C´s last blog ..Facebook Labels Women Obscene, Threatening and Hateful?! =-.

  12. NickyJ

    Well written hun… don’t feel you need to apologise, these are your feelings… motherhood is tough, but the reality is that there are payoffs that make it worth it, if you’re willing to see them, its a personal thing… At no point are you painting an unrealistic picture here, we all have our challenges and low points with our children, you blog about those too, but our attitude determines how we see things, if we just focus on the negative and the work, that’s all we’ll see. I get joy and satisfaction from raising both my children, when people say they feel sorry for me because of Michael, I tell them not too, I love him for who he is, he illness is part of who he is, there are just as many good things and payoffs in all the work that goes into raising him as there is from Cat, they are just very different payoffs. If I didn’t look at it this way, I’d be miserable and would not be the best mother I could be. Reluctant or not it is still a choice to be a parent, either make the most of it or not. but if you choose not to don’t criticize those who do.

  13. Vic

    @Luschka, Don’t! I thought I was gonna be rumbled earlier in the week when TB started messing around in the jewellery box where I keep his teeth. He looked right at them and never even clicked!
    .-= Vic´s last blog ..A Little Award =-.

  14. @Vic, Lol Vic! Too true. Thanks for making me laugh 🙂 Now… about the tooth fairy…

  15. Vic

    It’s a myth that the tough times are worth it? I’ll happily believe it.
    .-= Vic´s last blog ..A Little Award =-.

  16. @Single Dads Diary, Thank you so much for such an encouraging comment. It touches me that my journey can move other people. Thank you also for the beautiful compliment, I appreciate it. I’m so happy you stopped by, and thrilled that you left a comment. 🙂

  17. @Michaela, Thank you for your comment Michaela, and congratulations on your second! I am pleased you agree! I totally get that not every woman feels this way, and that’s fine and understandable and all that, but I think it sucks, but even one of my best friends loves her kids but isn’t inamoured with parenthood. And that’s fine. But don’t have a go at those of us who love it! 🙂

  18. Yuri @ urbanvox HQ

    you tell her gaga moma!!! 😉
    .-= Yuri @ urbanvox HQ´s last blog ..Shameless Self Promotion =-.

  19. What a lovely post. Reading your pregnancy joy and traumas was really moving, and I’m so happy that you came through it.

    With your strong, kind and compassionate outlook, you’re right not to give a stuff about what some “reluctant mother” writes about you.

  20. This is a great post!!! I just had my second and I was still nodding my head with you in agreement… as hard as it sometimes is, it is sooo worth it!
    .-= Michaela´s last blog ..Foto Friday – Cruising =-.

  21. @Celina Hosp, Thanks Celina. Yes, I think you are amazingly strong! I don’t know why we can’t all just get along!

  22. @Mummylimited, Yip. I agree that motherhood is hard, sometimes, but I don’t get the whole moaning about it thing. This is what you signed up for, as you say. Tough or not. I just think that our teenagers are going to treat us the way we treat them as children. I’m sorry about your failed pregnancies. I can’t imagine how awful it must have been.

  23. @Emma, Thanks Emma! I’m glad it touched you 🙂

  24. You are an amazing woman! Why is it that when a woman is truly in love with motherhood we are met with negative feedback. I’ve been told such silly things as a mother. I’m bot the type if woman to tell a scared first time pregnant woman “oh wait until this (negative) happens or this (negative)” ” oh and you think you can’t sleep now wait until the baby is born!” I can’t understand why we can’t just support one another through whatever! It’s fine Luschka because as much as some people don’t understand how much of a blessing our children are to us, is the same as how we feel towards moms who don’t: I have a friend in prison who has 5 children who have all been taken from her because of her addiction. I’ve often been upset with her because I KNOW what it’s like to have a profound moment of clarity and it came when I had my first baby! Some women just don’t have it in them! It isn’t their fault! But, by god if I can change so can they!! So keep up the good work and thank you for being a loving supportive mother!!!!

  25. It seems fashionable to moan about motherhood as if it’s cool to do so. I totally agree with you. After having 3 failed pregnancies I began to think we’d never get here. Every time I feel myself flagging I just tell myself “this is what I signed up for” and remind myself how lucky I am to have a happy healthy baby.
    .-= Mummylimited´s last blog ..Babies and Chocolate =-.

  26. My tears are flowing! Such a wonderful post & those photo’s are fantastic! xx
    .-= Emma´s last blog ..Mistakes =-.

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