Dear Aviya
When life revolved around just us and Ameli and work, I thought time went by so fast. Now I have you and Ameli and work and well, there just aren’t two empty seconds next to each other in the day. I don’t think I’ve ever worked this hard in all my life. I don’t think the time has moved as far either.
I’m trying to spend my days with you and Ameli, and work mainly at night. When I have a successful day of parenting, I’m so exhausted by night time that my work takes hours. This is the new and current reality of our lives: I’m exhausted, and it has nothing to do with having a baby.
When people talk about ‘good babies’, you are what they have in mind. When they want ‘easy’ babies, it’s you they’re after. You sleep so well. You wake up once in the night for a feed, and then I normally end up waking you when I get up in the morning. You sleep so much better than Ameli ever has. It’s wonderful. Of course Ameli has regressed to up to six times a night waking, normally all of them after midnight.
You are just such a chilled little girl, a true testament to everthing I believe in… but then I guess I don’t expect anything different from you. You don’t sleep on your own, you’re never separated from me. You don’t like staying in the bouncy chair, the play nest, the bumbo or the play mat for more than maybe five minutes at a time. You like sitting next to me on the sofa, just watching, watching, watching. You like being on me, and strapped to me in the stretchy wrap Amy sent us, you’ll sleep peacefully for hours. Put you down on your back and you’ll be awake in seconds, crying. On your belly you may still snooze for a bit.
You’re a very spitty baby. I don’t remember Ameli ever throwing up on me, but you do. You don’t fart though – she used to fart like an old man!
You have a simply gorgeous smile, and while you’ve never giggled when you’ve been awake, your dreams are obviously beautiful, because you’ll sometimes giggle in your sleep. I’ve tried to capture it on video a hundred times, but I always miss it. It’s so stunning though.
It’s been two months that we’ve had you with us, and in some ways I can’t remember a time when you weren’t, and in others it’s hardly made any difference. Ameli is amazing with you and we’ve had absolutely no jealousy whatsoever. It takes me much longer now to do things than it did three months ago, and with you on my lap I can work for hours and achieve half of what I used to… but it’s okay. I know I only have a limited time with you as a completely docile being.
Your little hands are amazing, and you’re already using them to guide the boob to your mouth, or to grab on to things like hair and our fingers. It’s so lovely.
Your birth has challenged us, me. It’s reminded me of principles I sort of gave up on a little during the pregnancy and I’m slowly starting to find my way back. Slowly really being the operative word. You’re just such a treasure – I want to do the best I can by you. I wish I didn’t have to work as much as I do, so that I could give you more, but for now Daddy and I are working every hour God sends just to keep a roof over your head. For now that, and my arms, and my love, will have to be enough.
Things are changing for us though… I seem to have more focus. I know where we are again. I know what I want for my girls. It’s just going to take us time to get there.
I can’t think of anything else to tell you at the moment. I love your smiles, your sighs, your breaths. I love getting in to bed next to you at night, and I love how much you’re growing, and how beautiful you are. You have such an expressive face, and such a full head of hair, you’re properly grown up. An old soul, someone said.
You didn’t have cradle cap, you didn’t have milk spots. You’ve had some thrush, and you’ve had some bad nappy rash, but no where near as bad as your sister before you. I’m grateful for the things we learned with her, that you didn’t have to go through them too. While I’ll never let her be our guinea pig, it’s natural that some things we’ll learn on her and do differently with you. But there are many more things we did with her that we will do with you too.
I love you Squidgy-girl.
This is a wonderful journey and I’m so grateful you chose us to walk it with.
I’m so honoured that you chose us.
Mama.
We have been shortlisted in the MADS awards as best pregnancy blog and best new baby blog. I would be so grateful if you would take 1 minute and vote or us to winin those categories.
