I have a real bug up my nose tonight, so bear with me. Who was it that decided that people shouldn’t share the fact that they’re pregnant before they’re 13 weeks?
No, I’m not pregnant. This isn’t my way of telling you.
But seriously? Why do people wait until they’re 13 weeks pregnant, and they’ve had a scan? Why do the books tell us that?
So that if there’s a miscarriage, you don’t have to ‘face’ people? Are you kidding me? A miscarriage at 3 weeks, 6 weeks, 6 months or full term (still birth) is dramatic. It affects every single family differently. I started bleeding at 3 weeks pregnant. The doctor told me it was fine if I miscarried, at least I know I could fall pregnant. I was devastated. I bled until I was 20 weeks, and then it just went away. Ameli is the result. But I sat every day for 17 weeks, expecting that to be the day I lost my baby. It was devastating. Should it happen, no matter when it does, what we need is support.
I told my friends and family straight away. I wanted them to share in our joy. And if I was to lose my baby, I would have wanted them there to carry us through our loss.
Other people are different. Maybe they don’t want to share, and that’s fine, but this whole concept of not saying anything before the end of the first trimester smacks of nothing more than another taboo on women to me.
You’re tired. You’re sick. You’re throwing up. You’re excited/nervous/afraid/or whatever else. But suck it up, do it alone.
Why? Why not have your friends support you? Why not have people be there for you?
Isn’t it better to have your friends know that you’re pregnant, so they can understand why you don’t want to go out for dinner? Or why you don’t want to have a drink? Or why you’re too tired to dance all night? (Maybe you’re not, maybe it was just me)
No, this 13 weeks thing makes no sense to me. It just seems like the doctor giving you an okay, like you need their permission to call it a real pregnancy, their approval on your having a child. And it seems like a massive filtering system, a socially acceptible and condoned way to keep the taboos of baby loss alive.
Or is it just me?