Every now and then, Mr. Husband makes a comment about it being time for #2. Baby, that is. We’re not that kind of couple. He’ll say something about a sibling for Ameli. Or make a comment about wanting another baby. Or something undisguised like that. And while I applaud his openness, willingness and all that, I must admit, it makes my knees slam shut – to put it politely.
The thought of having another baby is thrilling. The soft newborn skin, the beautiful face, that first gentle whimper, the birth – oh, how I long for another beautiful birth – even some parts of the pregnancy. But it also terrifies me to the point of my heart racing and my head spinning. I didn’t have a beautiful pregnancy, and the thought of experiencing that again, with a very rambunctuous toddler on my hands, is, well… terrifying. Especially since I do most of it alone. (With no family around, and Mr.Husband working 10 – 12 hour days to keep me in this lifestyle I’m now very accustomed to.)
Then there’s the no-longer a newborn business too, you know, entertaining two kiddos, keeping two from tearing the house apart, and if junior is anything like his/her sister, well, we may as well move into a pig sty, to be honest.
And all that aside, life is pretty perfect. We’re in a ‘can afford one child’ bracket, obviously, as we’re still alive, we have a pretty good work/life balance, Ameli and I have a great relationship. She doesn’t see daddy as much as I’d like, but still, she has his undivided attention when she has it. I like our little family of three. And I’d love to have four children by the end of my life, but it’s getting from one to four that well… I don’t see that path ahead of me.
I cannot imagine that I’ll have a moment’s peace ever again. And, selfishly, that thought mortifies me. I know it can’t be all bad – millions have done it before me, and millions will after, and I have many a friend who had babies around the same time as Ameli who are now either announcing their pregnancies, or are about to or have already given birth to their second (brave, brave souls.)
So, anything I read about 2nd children really jumps out at me at the moment, as I try to find justification for either my fear, or encouragement to get past it.
Courtney, who writes for API speaks, wrote 7 Resolutions for Baby Number Two where she includes such things as : I will live in the moment (note to self, there), I won’t feel guilty when I don’t get it all done (ditto), and I’ll ask for help (Martin’s always moaning at me about this one – apparently he can’t sense when I forgot to take something out the freezer for dinner and need him to do it?)
She says, about her first, “I relied on books, where each one contradicts the next, and instinct. In retrospect, I’ve realised that instinct usually trumped what I found in print.†I found that so valuable, and so true, as for the most part, I’ve done this all on instinct.
So, what would, are, will you be doing, or did you do differently with baby number two?
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