Dear Squidgy,
It’s 15 weeks, and so far, all’s going well. I am still sick if I don’t take the meds, but we’re doing okay. I’ve gained all the weight I lost from being sick, and feeling a little on the frumpy side again, but I also attribute that to five weeks of holiday.
Something great has happened though: I’ve started to feel you move! I know it’s supposed to be early but either you’re moving or there’s something loose in there! I lie in bed at night, and I can feel a little round beneath my naval, a firm hardness that I know contains you. I lie there and I wait for those flutters, and they always come. I’m thrilled to finally have a real awareness of you. It’s finally becoming real.
I’ve decided I won’t have the Down’s syndrome amnio at sixteen weeks. I didn’t realise at first that that’s what they were offering since I’ve missed the nuchal fold scan, but now that I know, I’m not doing it. There’s a greater chance of miscarriage from the amnio than there is a chance of you having Downs, so I’ve decided it doesn’t matter to me. I’m not doing anything to risk you.
There’s really not much else to tell you, at the moment.
I wish I was feeling better. I wish I was glowing and loving pregnancy, and I wish being pregnant made me want many more babies, but it doesn’t. I know you’re my last, and I’ve been thinking about your birth, about what I want for it, and what I hope for. You’d think having done this before, I’d know everything I need to know, but somehow this time feels different. I’m not sure, but – you know – it just feels different.
And somehow I think that’s a good thing too. It’s different. You’re different. How can not expect your birth, your new born stage, your life, to be different too.
I love you Squidgy.
Mommy