Dear Squidgy,


It’s 15 weeks, and so far, all’s going well. I am still sick if I don’t take the meds, but we’re doing okay.  I’ve gained all the weight I lost from being sick, and feeling a little on the frumpy side again, but I also attribute that to five weeks of holiday.

Something great has happened though: I’ve started to feel you move! I know it’s supposed to be early but either you’re moving or there’s something loose in there! I lie in bed at night, and I can feel a little round beneath my naval, a firm hardness that I know contains you. I lie there and I wait for those flutters, and they always come. I’m thrilled to finally have a real awareness of you. It’s finally becoming real.

Not my baby, but one at 15 weeks

I’ve decided I won’t have the Down’s syndrome amnio at sixteen weeks. I didn’t realise at first that that’s what they were offering since I’ve missed the nuchal fold scan, but now that I know, I’m not doing it. There’s a greater chance of miscarriage from the amnio than there is a chance of you having Downs, so I’ve decided it doesn’t matter to me. I’m not doing anything to risk you.

There’s really not much else to tell you, at the moment.

I wish I was feeling better. I wish I was glowing and loving pregnancy, and I wish being pregnant made me want many more babies, but it doesn’t. I know you’re my last, and I’ve been thinking about your birth, about what I want for it, and what I hope for. You’d think having done this before, I’d know everything I need to know, but somehow this time feels different. I’m not sure, but – you know – it just feels different.

And somehow I think that’s a good thing too. It’s different. You’re different. How can not expect your birth, your new born stage, your life, to be different too.

I love you Squidgy.






Pregnancy Week 15

  1. It is so much easier to notice those movements the 2nd (and subsequent) time around. 🙂 I’m 22 weeks now and my husband is finally able to feel Spencer move! I’m so pleased to share the excitement!

    Are you at any increased risk for conceiving a child with Down syndrome? Did they do the finger prick test to see how that effected your risk factor?

    I didn’t have any special tests last time around myself, even being Advanced Maternal Age (and therefore higher risk). My NT scan was just kind of arranged this time… and I didn’t balk. I’m glad we found out for sure (via amniocentesis), but I totally understand your choice! Knowing didn’t change how we handled this pregnancy, just gave me a new added focus of study.

    Best of luck for a perfect birth for this baby!

    1. @Momma Jorje, Hi MJ, thanks for the comment. I did think of you when I posted this, and wondered what your thoughts would be. You’re right about feeling movement earlier. It’s just sooo exciting.

      I don’t believe I’m at an increased risk to conceive a Down’s baby, but when I was pregnant with Kyra, they told me I had a one in 22000 chance, due to my advanced maternal age (the ripe old age of 29, mind you.) This time, then, I can only assume there’s a greater chance, but I know the risk of miscarriage and that to me is too great. I know I wouldn’t abort if I knew, so the risk is too high. I also struggle too much and fight too hard to GET a baby to this point. I’m not willing to risk it.

      I understand about having time to prepare and study though. I’ve always felt that would be the primary reason for finding out. And that’s why I WOULD have had the scan at 12 weeks if I’d been in England. But, I’ve worked with kids with Downs since school days, so while I’d still have a lot to learn if it WAS the case, it wouldn’t be a completely foreign world to me.

      Hope that makes sense?
      Thanks so much for taking the time to comment. Does having Downs affect your birthplan for Spencer?

      1. @Luschka, I swear they are claiming AMA at younger and younger ages. 29, seriously? Next thing you know teenagers will be the only ones young enough to make babies. 😛 The increase to your risk level in a mere 2 years is SO slight, and if you’ve had trouble maintaining a pregnancy before… add to that the fact that you have experience with children with DS… Yeah, I’d totally say to NOT risk it!

        My husband lived with a stepbrother (adult) with DS for 8 years, but I don’t think he’ll be prepared for a newborn. He was just a kid then himself. But we’ll be ready. I’m so thankful to know.

        As for birth plan… I would have really loved to have had a home birth this time around, but husband was adamantly against it. I was prepared to do battle over it, but held out until I knew whether it would even be a possibility for us. Knowing that Spencer has DS, I feel like we need to be at the hospital. Aside from that… I think I may wind up with an entirely extra page just for Spencer! One page about birth then one page about him.

        Also, I wanted a doula, but knowing this one thing about our pregnancy made me more insistent. When Elmo went with Sasha when she was born, I was left alone. I don’t want that again. Also, we were both overly tired so it was hard to have our wits about us. I just know it will be so helpful to have an extra support member on our team, you know?

        Thank you for letting me air out these thoughts here. I didn’t want to step on your toes at all and I totally support your choice not to have the amniocentesis. I will say that even at our amnio appointment, they were able to see during the U/S portion that the Nuchal Fold was increased from the norm. (As opposed to the Nuchal Translucency.) So I’m surprised they can’t check that… but then maybe they only do that as follow up from the NT, I don’t know.

        I’m sure you’ll have a healthy baby. You’re young and I’m betting you’re healthy, too! 😉 Thanks again.

        1. @Momma Jorje, I really hope you have a supportive doula who is totally on board with your philosophy and that you have everything you want and need for Spencer’s birth.

          I am not sure about the different tests once there’s been a confirmation, but they did tell me that they can only check the measurements by scan between weeks 11 and 13 or something like that, so I let it be. I’m also … hesitant… to base too much on the scan alone, because (although this was 32 years ago and is as I understand it!) but my mom was told I had a strong chance of DS and recommended to abort (she was also only 20 at the time) and I definitely do not, so I am just trusting everything. Honestly with the Ondansetron I’ve been on (Zofran) I’m more worried about abnormalities and deformities than I am about DS.

          Good luck, amazing Mama. I’m following your journey closely.

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