I can’t believe you’re four months old already. It tugs at my heart and takes my breath away when I think how fast the time is going, and how soon you’ll be so very independent of me.
Four months ago right now, I was lying in bed with you and Daddy sleeping a new kind of sleep. A more aware, but deeply entranced sleep. One that’s remained ever since.
You have grown so much since then. You’re over double your birth weight now, and head to bellybutton taller than you were too.Â But those are natural processes that happen while I’m not watching.
The bits of you that amaze me anew every day are the things you learn somewhere in your sleep. Like when you found your feet. You lie on your back and grab your toes and hold on for dear life, smiling at them and talking to them.
You always smile and get chatty when I’m changing your nappy too. It’s funny actually, because the moment I lay you down you’ll start crying, but when I start undoing your nappy your cry stops and turns in to a gurgley, cooey smile as you grab your feet again. I always laugh and call you â€˜Punt-innie-wind’ – (directly translated as point in the wind, but meaning more like bum in the air).
You’re also always discovering new sounds. Gurgles, grunts, groans and most recently a very high pitched squeal.Â Sometimes softly high pitched, other times trying to raise the roof, but you always seem surprised by your own voice, which makes me laugh again, causing you to smile.
You are not one of those babies that cares much for play gyms, bouncy chairs or activity rings. You’d much rather be in the sling up at my height, seeing what I’m doing. And when it gets too dull for you, you fall asleep, strapped to my chest, close to my heart, with your hand holding on to me wherever you can. I love kissing the top of your head when you fall asleep like that, and a little pang tears through me, knowing that I won’t always have this closeness to your body.
Your little fingers have found their function too now, and you’ve started holding on to toys, books and most painfully, my hair! Somehow you always know when I’m about to put you down, and you do try to take a handful of me with you. I miss how my hair never fell out when I was pregnant, because currently I think I’m balding and your tugs don’t help!Â But I can’t even get angry, because the moment I pry my hair loose you grasp my finger with all your might, and my resistance melts.
Bathtime is one of your favourites. Sometimes you bath with Daddy or me in a nice full bath, and other times you are in the bath on your own. We put you at the top and you kick your way towards the plug hole. We push you back up with â€˜weeeeeeee’ and the game starts over. It doesn’t matter how tired, hungry or busy we are, bath time with you is wonderful. Your excitement for it rubs off on us, filling us with joy.
Your favourite song right now is one from our yoga class. â€˜Open and close and open and close’ as I stretch and bring together an opposing arm and leg, â€˜don’t get in a muddle’ as I shake out those arms and legs, â€˜open, close and open, close’ your smile reaches to your eyes because by now you know what’s coming â€˜give yourself a cuddle’ and your arm and leg meet over your bellybutton, stretching your limbs and jiggling your body. It never fails to amuse you.
I’m sorry for all the discomfort of your teething my darling Button. We hate to see you so uncomfortable, but this too will pass, and you won’t remember a thing, I promise.
Thank you for your smiles, your cuddles and yourÂ beautiful nature. You are such a blessing to us. We’ve heard you giggle once or twice, normally when Daddy’s playing silly-man with you, and we look forward to the sound of that reverberating through our home more and more. I lie and watch you at night in the pale light from outside, and you fill me every night with awe and wonderment
Love you with all my heart, beautiful Princess.