I spent a bit of time today surfing the ol’ world wide web, just catching up on reading that I’ve not been able to do for a few days due to extreme sickness, and read an article on actress Kate Hudson who had a successful VBAC this weekend. While that’s fantastic news, it was her comment about pregnancy that struck the very core of me.
â€œI love being pregnant! Â Gosh, I could be pregnant all the time.â€
This is not my experience. I didn’t have the curable-by-a-slice-of-ginger-or-dry-biscuit kind of nausea. I didn’t have the hormonally charged uber sex-drive. At one stage I had more of a gaunt visage, rather than a healthy glow. I didn’t really â€˜blossom’ with my last pregnancy, and so far, this one isn’t settling in for much better.
In fact, so far, it’s worse. Within 5 days of my first bout of sickness my ketones hit 4+. Not really the thing most pregnant women check each timeÂ they go to the loo.
With Ameli, I bled for almost 20 weeks. I had unbelievable heartburn through most of the second and third trimester and then I had PSD during the third too. I had dreams that were so vivid and horrifying that I barely slept for the last couple of months â€“ and if I did, it was only until Ameli got into a battle of wills with my bladder and I had to hobble to the bathroom (cause of the PSD).
Remembering all that, I’m wondering what the heck I was thinking getting pregnant again!
And with a very small handful of exceptions, I had a drug free pregnancy with Ameli.
And now, my poor Squidgy isn’t even a full 6 weeks yet and is already getting regular medication as I have to do something about this sickness. Every time my little girl tugs at me on the sofa and says â€˜Mummy get up, pleath’ I die a little on the inside. And every time I take a tablet, the guilt of not really knowing what it’s doing to my unborn child eats at me. A no win situation, really.
So, while I’m thrilled that there are women who have wonderful pregnancies, I’m feeling just a little sorry for myself right now that I am not one of them.
P.S. Sorry I’m not getting back to all your supportive comments at the moment. I’m just trying to stay afloat for now – so to speak.