Elisabeth from Manic Mrs Stone posted this (via The Child Whisperer) a couple of days ago, and I have not been able to get it off my mind. My life circumstances are such at the moment that Ameli is in a different country, in a new home, missing her daddy something fierce and surrounded by other people, many with different parenting ideas to my own. This graph came to me at just the right time, and confirmed for me what I know about my child, and about how best to manage her time, encourage her stimulation and in so doing, prevent tantrums and the ‘need’ for discipline.

I know that 9 times out of 10, when she needs to be ‘disciplined’, it’s because I’ve dropped the ball. (For example, she’s done something ‘naughty’ because she was bored because I was chatting away on my phone!)

Anyway, I hope this graph sheds some light for you, or reminds you how to respond to your child’s needs.

Read: Encouraging Words For Kids for more fantastic insights into raising happy, successful and cooperative children. 

Going through a tough time yourself? Read Parenting in Tough Times

Sometimes a child needs a little Love Bombing to help them feel connected

And these children’s books are wonderful for reminding little ones of our love


How To Raise A Child While Disciplining Less

  1. I think the chart is great, except for the use of the word ‘discipline’. I think it should be replaced with the word ‘punishment’. As Wikipedia puts it: “Discipline is a course of actions leading to certain goal or ideal. A disciplined person is one that has established a goal and is willing to achieve that goal at the expense of his or her individuality.” All people need to be self disciplined to live together in society, and this self discipline is learned from being disciplined as children. Most of the time, children can be successfully disciplined without the need for harsh punishment, but with using natural consequences as the punishment. Thanks for sharing!

    1. Can’t say I disagree with you Sharon! I too believe children need discipline, but not punishment as it’s understood. I think the chart should somehow be titled more around avoiding the need for either, and how you can do that by understanding the ‘type’ of child. But that’s a rather cumbersome title 😉

  2. so true. When I, as a teenager, critisized my mother for my youngest sister’s lack of discipline she replied “Once I had no children and 10 rules, now I have 6 children and no rule”

  3. You said, “I know that 9 times out of 10, when she needs to be ‘disciplined’, it’s because I’ve dropped the ball. (For example, she’s done something ‘naughty’ because she was bored because I was chatting away on my phone!)”

    It’s your responsibility to pay attention to your child so constantly that they never get bored? To the point you can’t chat on the phone? Wow, I would hate your life. I can’t buy the idea that it’s wrong to expect your child to not do something naughty as soon as you’re not paying attention to them.

    1. Hmmm… I don’t really think I said that I expected my child to do something naughty when I am not paying attention to her, I was more referencing it as an example of something that left her needs unmet causing her to act ‘undisciplined’. I’m perfectly happy with my life, fortunately, but thanks for the concern.

      1. At least some of us understood what you meant by getting to wrapped up in our own carrying ons that we tend to overlook our littles needs. They are people too. Though yes certain behaviors are to be expected that doesn’t mean ruling the roost with an iron fist to achieve those results. I appreciate your opinions and encouragement towards gentle parenting measures. Attempting to correct problems before they arise by learning your little persons needs/

    2. I think that children need to learn that they need to be expected to behave in certain ways, regardless of how they feel. The world doesn’t always lend itself to bending around your child’s wants/needs/feelings and they need to learn self-control and how to behave, regardless of if they are bored, restless, etc. If you are constantly molding the world around them so that they don’t have to learn to deal with feelings without using negative behaviors, then they will never have the skills to cope with those feelings as adults.

      1. I agree completely. Children NEED discipline, they need to know that things aren’t always going to go their way and that sometimes you just have to do things, regardless of if you really WANT to or not, because you NEED to. thats just how life is. it would be nice if every time we felt frustrated, we could take a minute out, or if we were tired, we could just take a nap, or if we didn’t FEEL like cleaning or cooking or whatever, we wouldn’t have to, but thats NOT how life works, and a parents job is to prepare their kids for the real world, and the real world doesn’t just bend around us and our wants and feelings.

  4. While this chart is great, perhaps even greater are these wise words and the fact that you said them:

    “I know that 9 times out of 10, when she needs to be ‘disciplined’, it’s because I’ve dropped the ball. (For example, she’s done something ‘naughty’ because she was bored because I was chatting away on my phone!)”!

    I know I am guilty of this many times and I want to thank you!

  5. Thank you so much for posting, I need this! I have three children that have very different needs, understanding their individual needs has been so important in our relationship.

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