Mourning Pregnancy

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I spent a bit of time today surfing the ol’ world wide web, just catching up on reading that I’ve not been able to do for a few days due to extreme sickness, and read an article on actress Kate Hudson who had a successful VBAC this weekend. While that’s fantastic news, it was her comment about pregnancy that struck the very core of me.

“I love being pregnant!  Gosh, I could be pregnant all the time.”


This is not my experience. I didn’t have the curable-by-a-slice-of-ginger-or-dry-biscuit kind of nausea. I didn’t have the hormonally charged uber sex-drive. At one stage I had more of a gaunt visage, rather than a healthy glow. I didn’t really ‘blossom’ with my last pregnancy, and so far, this one isn’t settling in for much better.

In fact, so far, it’s worse. Within 5 days of my first bout of sickness my ketones hit 4+. Not really the thing most pregnant women check each time  they go to the loo.

With Ameli, I bled for almost 20 weeks. I had unbelievable heartburn through most of the second and third trimester and then I had PSD during the third too. I had dreams that were so vivid and horrifying that I barely slept for the last couple of months – and if I did, it was only until Ameli got into a battle of wills with my bladder and I had to hobble to the bathroom (cause of the PSD).

Remembering all that, I’m wondering what the heck I was thinking getting pregnant again!

And with a very small handful of exceptions, I had a drug free pregnancy with Ameli.

And now, my poor Squidgy isn’t even a full 6 weeks yet and is already getting regular medication as I have to do something about this sickness. Every time my little girl tugs at me on the sofa and says ‘Mummy get up, pleath’ I die a little on the inside. And every time I take a tablet, the guilt of not really knowing what it’s doing to my unborn child eats at me. A no win situation, really.

So, while I’m thrilled that there are women who have wonderful pregnancies, I’m feeling just a little sorry for myself right now that I am not one of them.

P.S. Sorry I’m not getting back to all your supportive comments at the moment. I’m just trying to stay afloat for now – so to speak.

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11 thoughts on “Mourning Pregnancy

  1. @Carly, Thanks Carly. Unfortunately the meds aren’t working anymore. I now just throw them up too! So worn out already. I hear you on SPD too – I had it with Kyra as well. So tough! I wish I could have one of those ‘blissful’ pregnancies

  2. Carly

    Aww I feel for you hun. Hang in there, it will pass, eventually! I had terrible sickness for 16 weeks and then awful SPD for the final 3 months so I really sympathise. Don’t feel guilty either as someone mentioned the harm by not taking the medicine would be worse.

    Thinking of you x

  3. Randi

    Hello,
    My pregnancy want great either. Well, I was healthy, but very sick. No one believed me when said I was sick for 8 months. I vomited everyday, and dry heaved when I didn’t vomit. Needless to say, I only gained 18 pounds during my pregnancy, and since then, I have lost over 40, including the 18 I gained. I really believe there is something wrong and that my child isn’t just sucking it all put of me. Have you read anything about this?
    I want to have another child, but I don’t know how I can be great parent to my son while being sick, as I’m sure it will happen again. Luckily I wasn’t as sick as you were and are. I did take meds and they did work.
    I wish you all the best, and as hard as it may be, try to keep your eye on the prize!
    Take care!

  4. Bonnie

    I feel your pain, my babies have only 15 months between them and although I was really sick (until 32 weeks!)with the first my second seemed worse in a way because I felt so rough and tired while having a little one to look after.hopefully you will have lots of people around you and can help entertain your daughter so you can have a break, hope all goes well and things get easier soon.x

  5. aww, didn’t know it was so difficult for you.Try to hang in there.you can always come for a cuppa and a chat 🙂

  6. Hang in there! My sister is going through a rough pregnancy as well, and says she doesn’t understand people who say they love being pregnant. You are not alone.

  7. Don’t feel bad — I’m sure this baby will grow much better if you are able to eat a little. I’m not one for any medication in pregnancy if I can help it either, but better for baby to have the healthiest mama he/she can!

    I really feel for you — though I didn’t have it as bad as you, I remember really hating being pregnant. A friend of mine is pregnant and said, “Oh, I love being pregnant! Being pregnant is the best!” I kinda a little bit wanted to slug her. And I’m not even pregnant.
    Sheila’s last blog post ..Creamed plantain

  8. i hated being pregnant. it was awful. nearly every second of it, i wondered what the hell i was thinking. so you’re not alone. we can love our babies, but hate our pregnancies.

  9. alexa

    Please lighten up on yourself lots of us don’t like being pregnant but we all still do it again.

    I was like you on all 4 of my children and had to take anti sickness tablets just to keep fluids down.
    All 4 of my children are 100% well.

    Not taking them will do more damage than taking them so don’t feel guilty see it as another way your protecting your baby xxx

  10. I know how you feel. I spent much of the last pregnancy on the couch during my first trimester and then all of my last trimester confined to my bed and taking pills to keep the contractions from coming on until it was safer. But all of that didn’t matter after I saw my boy. I think that is much the same with how you feel with Kyra and how you will feel with this new little life.
    Shannon @ The Artful Mama’s last blog post ..Parenting Philosophy: Being Present

  11. Eleanor

    Think of the end product!!! Maybe HypnoBirthing would work for you too because of your fears. xx

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